It's almost V-Day
Battle stations everyone
Last year, I wrote about how, single (situationship - but let’s not get in to it), I spent Valentines Day with my friend Ellie watching Jason Statham punch a shark in the face. (She wanted an unromantic film. We picked The Meg). After which we had a platonic cuddle, as we both felt lonely.
This year, I have film plans that have swung dramatically to the other end of the spectrum. I have managed to convince my business-brained boyfriend of the James Bond film-going variety that what he actually wants to do on Valentines Day is watch the new Bridget Jones film in cinemas with me. I know. I don’t know how I’ve managed it. Call me God.
He is two years younger than me and the new Bridget features Leo Woodall as her fluffy haired cardigan-wearing toy boy, so perhaps it’s a watch-what-you-know scenario for my bf. He has also paid for our tickets, which I think is a second feminist win.
I will also, however, be spending Valentines Day (not really, because I am working until late on actually Valentine’s Day so we have decided it is instead on Saturday, when I’m off) with Ellie. This time by chance. She now works in a different country doing something impressive that definitely makes more money than journalism. Saturday is the one day she passes through the capital before returning to her family in Wales.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, and life, and balance. I work a lot of evenings and weekends at the moment and I’m in a relationship with someone who works a 9-5. This means that the time we can spent together is limited and has to be planned in advance, vastly different from when I met him and I was a student and then unemployed. (We would stay up talking late into the night. He was completely shattered at work each day. I was at home, having not much to do apart from text him, browse LinkedIn in order to hate myself and my then lack of employment, apply for jobs, then go on runs in an attempt to hate myself less via cardio).
Our current situation means normally I have two evenings to see him, sometimes one is a weekend day. This has made being in love less spontaneous. We have a shared G-cal. It’s disgusting, I know. But useful. If my day off is Tuesday that’s when date night will be. He schedules his plans to try and get them to line up, so that when I’m off, if he’s not at work, he can be too.
But this engenders an element of choice. If I have two evenings off a week, for example, I can choose to spent two with my boyfriend, which I don’t feel is a lot, or swap one to see a friend. Or be the girlfriend who always brings her boyfriend along. Which I do, often. But not always. Because I really don’t want to be that girlfriend.
This Saturday (fake Valentines) was a no brainer. Ellie is back. Seeing her is super important. But having Valentines with my boyfriend, as we had planned, well in advance, is too. So, I’m doing both, one for lunch, the other for dinner.
For me, love is all about getting the balance right. It’s more pragmatic than it is hopelessly romantic, but — just like last year — while romantic love is really important in my life, it is never more important than Ellie.
Luckily, this year I get both.
Happy Valentines for tomorrow, or Saturday, or whenever you are or aren’t celebrating it!
L x